So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
