No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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