His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
