Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
