Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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