im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
