Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
