Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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