my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
