every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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