I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please come you make the beer taste better
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
