why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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