I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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