I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fuck appropriateness.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
