I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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