If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
