Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
