News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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