she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
