Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
