she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
zippers are such a cool invention
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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