Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm too high and old for this...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
