so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
