It's Friday. Sex?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
