I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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