so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
