i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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