I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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