ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
