Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
