What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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