Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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