when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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