just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need to calm my uterus...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
