UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
