party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
