I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
