I accidentally burped into my bong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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