i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
