So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
