..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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