Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
