after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dignity is for republicans.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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