I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
