grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
