also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
