i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
