I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
