She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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