I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
