Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
