Buhtt sex?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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