Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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