I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
