If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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