I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
