I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
