I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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