You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cannot find my penis.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
