The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
