I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
